Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"the world is black, the world is white...."

Alright. For those who don't know me, I live in a world of extremes. Black/White. That's it.
Scratch that. I live in a GRAY world. I do, i really do. We ALL do.
Please allow me to start again, then...

The world I live in is gray. The world IN MY HEAD is black and white.

And therein lies the rub; a rub that not even BODYGLIDE can help me with. What to do, what to do? My b/w mind gets me into trouble almost daily; either with myself, or (worse yet) with others. Here's an example of a recent conversation (edited for family viewing, as well as brevity)...
OP (other person): "i know that your virtual friends make you happy, but i wish that you would spend more time engaged with the real people in the house."
MID (my internal dialogue): "fine. i will post to twitter and the blog that I will be leaving cyberspace. sort of a "so long, and thanks for all the fish" post. done ,done, and done."
MED (my external dialogue): "ok. i shall try to be more engaged here, with the family." (which of course, is the ONLY smart thing to do......) more than that, though, it is what I TRUELY WANT TO DO.

I just don't know how. Or have forgotten how. So i go to the extreme in my 'solutions' for things i don't understand. Monday evening I was shopping with Bryce, and the idea to stop drinking coffee at work flew into my head. So Tuesday I made up my mind not to drink coffee at work, or at least not coffee FROM work. Then my office mate came in the room with a cuppa black coffee that smelled sooooo good that i just HAD to have one, too. So i did.
Why not compromise with myself and have just 1 cup at work, or one every other day, or...something other than NO coffee. See? my black/white thinking (cognitive distortion. read about them here and here, courtesy of my virtual pal over at gets me into trouble, or at the very least sets me up for failure, each and every time.
So why do i do it? Sometimes i think that i do it because it is 'comfortable'. the thought process is known, the outcome is known (although not preferred). Gre/ay thinking is unknown to me, and therefore uncomfortable and scary. It is LONG overdue that I move into the gra/ey. If I don't, my next move will likely be more complicated, and involve cardboard boxes...

What are some things that you know you should be doing but aren't, out of 'fear of the unknown'?


  1. I shouldn't spend so long on Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. I'd be faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more productive if I spent less time on them. I think it's called discipline.

    I hope you don't leave cyberspace though!

  2. you can ponder these questions for 7.5 million years and still come up with the same answer:


  3. Oh my dear dear friend... you too can be comfortable in the gre/ay... (-: Deep breath... tell yourself you are.. repeat it...repeat it... It will happen. You are a truly wonderful being.
    Warm thoughts to you... and why on earth would you give up coffee?