just when i thought i was 'safe'....

there have been many times over the past couple of weeks when i have given serious consideration to give up running. for example, the seemingly endless cold darkness here in the VT winter has given me no real safe option for running other than the dreadmill. we won't go into details about my love affair with the rubber band of doom, but suffice to say.....i only tolerated it a handful of times over the winter. not nearly enough time spent on the thing to beconsidered 'training', but just enough so that i didn't suffer any major setbacks.

another example is the internal struggle that i have about devoting time to running. it is a hobby that, on the
outset, only benefits ME. no one else benefits from my runs. or so i thought. to help drive this message home to me, i was given a sticker AND a magnet for Christmas that says, "Running is cheaper than therapy." the take away from that gift is that Dad is a much easier person to live with after he runs. this fact, coupled with my guilty feelings that arise when i do run, make for some very interesting internal dialogs late in the night, and early in the morning. i swear, though, that i am trying to get better with this.
i swear.
in the mean time, i have also thought about not blogging any more. there are only a few people who read it, and fewer people who comment, so it isn't the same as if, say, Redhead or Beth suddenly stopped.
then i looked around my little microcosm and saw that my running and talk of running has (perhaps) had a bit of an influence over others. one of the other RNs in the ICU has signed herself and her husband up for a 5k run  later this month. one of the parents from my wife's daycare has started running, and wants to do some races this summer. another co-worker and i often chide each other about having run or not. my wife, even, has expressed that she wishes that we could run together, but that her ankles can't take it anymore. i contend that if we started back gradually, walking for a few weeks, then walk/jogging, we could be running together by the end of the summer. she's thinking about it. (win!)
i read running blogs like most people read the daily newspaper. reading them has become like crack, and i look forward to keeping up with about 15 people online. i signed up for a virtual 6.66 mile race, and have joined a group of other runners trying to get in 1000 miles during 2010. i am WOEFULLY behind in my distance, but am not ready to give up.

these things, coupled with some recent events at work, have really sent me on a mental downward spiral. i want to publically apologize to my family for my recent bad moods, bad behaviour, and general all around shittyness. i am sorry.
but in the past few days, after some thinking, i have decided to make some changes and stage a come-back of sorts. (can anyone else hear l.l. cool j, "don't call it a comeback, i've been here for years...." no? anyone? Beuller?) and then today, as i was continuing to mull things over, i received an email from one of my best friends. we were chit-chatting back and forth about other things, and it turned to running, and then the comment was made, "Hearing about your runs motivates me...." all i can say is, 'enough said.'

or, as L.L. said, "I'm gonna knock you out!"
Running, you have been warned.

have things like this happened to anyone else, or is it just me? i leave you with some lyrics...
"Mama Said Knock You Out"
[LL]
C'mon man
[News Report]
And with the local DBT news, LL Cool J with a triumphant comeback
[mumbling]
but tonite...
[LL]
Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Explosion, overpowerin
Over the competition, I'm towerin
Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare, you betta move
Don't ever compare
Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin the price
[Chorus:]
I'm gonna knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
Mama said knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
[REPEAT 4X]

Ice, Ice, Baby!

Spent the better part of today as a chaperon for Z's field trip to the Lake Morey Resort in Fairlee, VT. The event was well organized, and it looked like all of the kids, teachers, and other chaperons had a great time. The morning was broken into two time blocks, and then another one after lunch. Kids were able to choose from a variety of activities, including snow golf, ice skating, snow shoeing, cross country skiing, snow soccer, snow football, sledding, and some indoor games.
Z first played golf, and I took off across the lake with a bunch of kids and a few adults to find animal tracks. Surprisingly, we found a few sets of fox tracks. It was fun to listen to the teacher explain how to determine the type of animal based on the clues that were left behind.
In several spots, the snow disguised 4-6 inches of slush. I must say that it is a BIT unnerving to be waking through slush that is on top of ice (one HOPES) that is in the middle of a lake. Today was a big step in me getting more comfy on the ice. I don't like it. Not at all, not one bit. Can't say as I do.
In other news, Z had a good time playing football. It was pretty much all he talked about after he got home.
I wore my garmin (p.b.t.n.) while I was snowshoeing around, and managed to eek out 3 miles for the day. Hey, it all counts toward the 1000 miles for the year. I am still WAY behind schedule, but am determined to get there!
Sorry so short tonight, and not that interesting, but we are sharing the laptop, and my time is up.
Peace, YO!