Tom Petty said, "the waiting is the hardest part." standing here, at my patient's bedside for the past four days, I have come to strongly believe it. this poor guy is dying, slowly. he's probably been clinically dead for the past 24-36 hours. but we hang on. we wait. a sister was due to arrive from TN last evening, but her flight was grounded for mechanical issues. the next flight out wasn't available until today. so we wait. and we increase dosages and settings. and we wait. and we console, and we listen to his favourite music from the Moody Blues.
and we wait.
because times like this are stressful for all, including staff, we (the staff) often find release in humor. and then little things creep in, like a glance from a co-worker taken the wrong way, or a percieved attitude in an email, and we snap at one another. at best. at worst, we take these things home and snap at OUR family; kids, wives, husbands, dogs, cats.
and then they wait.
for us to get better. for us to stop taking things out on them. for us to be able to take the pain and stress that comes along with our jobs and deal with it in a more productive manner; without the yelling, and the short remarks, and the unreasonable expectations.
and so I run. people ask me if i am running away from something, or running toward something. before i answer them, i wait.
when i give it thought, i do both. away from things in my past, decisions I've made, things I have done, demons that i have created. toward a better, brighter future. toward the ability not to better control my emotions and reactions to things that get me flustered.
so i run.
and i wait.